


Love

by slashyrogue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, First Kiss, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Pining Dean Winchester, Post Finale, Post Series, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Season/Series 15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27644935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashyrogue/pseuds/slashyrogue
Summary: Cas hadn’t come.Dean told himself it was fine, that he could be happy in Heaven without him, but as the days passed without even a “hello” he knew that wasn’t true.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 157





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I haven't watched Supernatural in about 7 years but I did watch the finale and yeah that was crap so I had to do this.

Cas hadn’t come. 

Dean told himself it was fine, that he could be happy in Heaven without him, but as the days passed without even a “hello” he knew that wasn’t true. 

Sam and his folks both gave him looks of pity when he saw them, but didn’t bring it up despite Dean’s Heaven quickly becoming his Hell. He forced himself to dwell on the good things here, hang around with all the people he’d lost, and as the days grew longer he knew this was how eternity would be. 

Punishment. 

He’d spent so long being afraid of feeling, of hating the things that made him weak, and now all he wanted was to be able to feel anything but happiness again. Dean stared out at the land he’d been “given” as his own, and the tears in his eyes made his vision blur. He’d never expected Heaven to feel so empty. He took a long swig of shitty beer and smiled. 

It was what he deserved. 

“Dean.”

Dad had been different here, more open and honest, and yet never let himself be alone with them. They had a lot to talk about that had never been said and Dean thought he was just probably scared shitless to own up to it. 

“Mom want me to come for dinner again?” 

The frown on Dad’s face made Dean feel like a kid again. Was he about to get scolded for doing Heaven wrong? 

“No,” he sighed, sitting next to Dean on the porch, “I...came on my own. Sam came to see me.” 

Dean took a long swig as a tear ran down his cheek. “He did, huh?” 

“Yeah, kid, he...he sort of ripped me a new one for...fucking you up. He said that...the way you kids were raised might’ve...made it harder for you to express feelings and...” 

“Stop,” Dean said, putting up his hand, “Just stop, ok? I’m fine.” 

“Son, you’re the saddest person in Heaven. That’s fucked up, you know? And Sam said this Castiel...that you might...I mean...” 

“Don’t,” Dean said, his voice breaking, “Don’t...say his name. I...” 

“You can call for him, you know?” Dad continued, reaching out to pat Dean on the shoulder, “I know you think maybe I might...think less of you...or...Dean that’s not who I am anymore.” 

Dean laughed, standing and backing away from him. “You think this is about you? That I’m just sitting here repressing because I’m afraid Daddy might think less of me? You really are still the same.” 

He walked across the porch and stared out at the land again. 

“Then what is it? Why won’t you call for him?” 

Dean felt another tear run down his cheek. “What if...I fuck it up? What if...I see him, tell him, and in the end all he ends up doing is hating me?” 

“Son...” 

“I’ve had nothing but shit luck in love,” Dean whispered, “And I’m terrified that loving Cas and losing him again might...break me worse than just not letting myself love him at all.” 

The sound of his father’s steps made Dean want to run. He didn’t want this conversation, didn’t want to let himself feel, and yet as he felt the hand on his shoulder again he closed his eyes. 

“Even though I lost your mother so early I still...don’t regret letting myself love someone that hard. Dean...he’s probably just as scared. Just...think about it, ok? We all want you to be happy, kid. That’s all.” 

Dean didn’t open his eyes as he hard the sound of him leaving and let out a shaky breath. 

He’d be fine alone, right? 

He would be. 

The ache in his chest would fade, and he’d...forget. 

“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up, Cas,” he said, his voice breaking, “I’m sorry I...” 

“Dean.” 

He turned around so fast he dropped the bottle in his hand, and didn’t hear the sound as it shattered. 

The sight of Castiel standing at the bottom of his stairs was all he could focus on. 

“I didn’t...call for you.” 

“No,” Cas said, frowning, “But you said my name. You haven’t said my name since you arrived in Heaven, no matter how many times someone else did.” 

Dean leaned against the railing of his porch and found it hard to move.

“I didn’t wanna bother you, Cas,” he joked, “You were probably busy with angel stuff and I didn’t...” 

Cas nodded. “I was busy, yes. Busy...watching over you.” 

Dean felt his heart clench in his chest. “You...” 

The sound of Cas walking up the stairs made his legs almost give out from under him, and he clutched the railing harder. He stopped at the top, and turned to Dean. “Dean...I’m...I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry?” 

“If my confession made your transition into Heaven difficult I apologize. I was just very happy and I...” 

Dean laughed. “Cas, that’s---” 

“Sam told me to come see you , but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. If that made you think I was upset with you, I...” 

“Cas, you’re wrong that’s not---” 

“...and all I wanted to do was express something that made me indescribably happy. You were under no obligation to...” 

Dean suddenly found himself able to move, almost growling in frustration as he ran across the porch. He yanked Cas in by his tie, whole body shaking with annoyance, and kissed him hard. 

The relief he felt in the kiss made him weak, and when Cas suddenly pulled him closer his vision blurred. 

This was what Heaven was supposed to feel like. 

They kissed for what felt like an eternity, and when they pulled apart both of them were smiling. 

“Dean...” 

He put his hand on Cas’s cheek. “God, I missed you.” 

Cas closed his eyes. “I...I thought I could never feel more happy than I did telling you I loved you but this...this is...” 

Dean rested their foreheads together and closed his eyes. 

“Heaven.” 

He felt Cas’s arms come around him and the pain was gone. 

All that was left was the one thing he’d thought he’d never have. 

Love. 


End file.
